Love like Chicken & Dumplings

Psalms 139:17- 18  How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; When I awake, I am still with You.


              This past year has been one of my most trying years to date. I have been an adult for many years now. ( no need to mention how many...) but this year I felt more like one than ever before. I said goodbye to three loved ones. This leaves one with so many questions about God's will and God's plans. It leaves so many questions with little answers. So many things I don't know, don't understand, and can't make since of. In the midst of all of this there is one thing God has completely assured me of ~ His unfailing love for each one of us.
            Last summer Uncle Willie & Aunt Rhonda started to come visit us. They would come on the weekends and mainly rest. It really had been a while since we had got to spend time with them and we were happy to open up our home. Aunt Rhonda had been suffering with cancer for many years. Although, you wouldn't know how much she hurt because she was the type of person who laughed every chance she got. Uncle Willie found a couple of old recliners and set them outside under the carport. Antone and I would refer to this as our "hillbilly central ", but it was a fun gathering place. Aunt Rhonda would stay out there from morning until we would beg her to come inside late at night. She loved breathing in that fresh ocean air. It was a temporary escape from the reality of the pain she felt.
            We spent many times in prayer. Each time I would see her, she would be more weak. Alone I would ask God, " Lord, what is your plan? What do you want from me through this? " In my heart God had placed an undeniable need to shelter Aunt Rhonda. I often wondered why God would place that need in my heart if he wasn't going to heal her this side of heaven. I even struggled with saying God, why put someone in my heart and the hearts of my family if you are just going to take her. It didn't;t seem fair to me. Almost like God was setting us up for heartbreak. It has only been since she has passed that he has began to explain it to me.
             It was a Wednesday morning. Uncle Willie and Aunt Rhonda were going to be coming over that evening. I woke up and turned to Antone and said I am going to make chicken & dumplings today. I had this crazy overwhelming need to make them. I even tried to reason it away and had decided I would do something else because I didn't have a good sized soup pot. In the back of my mind though it stayed. Around lunch I received a phone call from my Dad. He was out on the truck but said he had pulled over and wired me $200. He said he felt like I needed it. This supplied me with the funds to go get that soup pot and all of the ingredients needed for the chicken & dumplings. I even had just this recipe floating in my head for a way to make it that I had never done before. Not only that but it had been at least 2 years since I had made it at all! Uncle Willie & Aunt Rhonda arrived and I said that we were having chicken & dumplings for dinner. Aunt Rhonda looked and me and said, " I have been wanting chicken & dumplings so bad." She had been begging everyone to make her some. As my chicken & dumplings were cooking she got a phone call from another relative who didn't realize she had come to the coast, saying they had made chicken & dumplings for her!  Her reply was "put them in the fridge and I will eat them when I get back!" Not only did God give them to her once but he gave her a double portion! I have to say~ that night as we ate, they were the best chicken & dumplings I had ever made and I don't even know if I could make it again like that if I tried.
              Aunt Rhonda was so young~ only 47. She battled cancer almost half her life. From the outside looking in, it is hard to see how God would allow suffering like that. One of those questions I can't answer but I know without doubt that Aunt Rhonda was not alone and God was with her each step of the way. He displayed how much he loved her in so many ways. He displayed it in small ways like her favorite meal. He also showed his love for her, by giving her a wonderful love and helpmate in Uncle Willie. He was so attentive to her needs. She wanted for nothing. I would see Uncle Willie give her shots that would make him cringe, yet he would do it so gently. When God blesses you with a husband like that, he definitely loves you a lot. He gave Aunt Rhonda the opportunity to see her precious Becky married, and the birth of her daughter Brittany's baby girl, who was the light of her life. Our small group at our church practically knew Aunt Rhonda and prayed for her daily. Some friends of ours who didn't even know them called and wanted to take them sailing. What a wonderful day that was!
               So now, through all of this, I know the answer to the question I asked God. Why did he want us to be so close to someone that he was going to take if it was only going to end in a heartbreak? The answer is that it wasn't about me and my heartbreak...It was about God and his wanting to use us to show Aunt Rhonda the love he had for her. He wanted to sustain her with rest, love, and his spirit until he called her home. When I look at it from God's heart for her and all his thoughts to care for her in all the little details it makes the heartbreak a little less because I know his undying love for her and each one of us, goes beyond the grave and she is with him in heaven. I will miss her so much and I count it a blessing that God gave us the time with her he did, and when it is all said and done, I would do it all over again.

 I am so grateful to know a God who will never leave us or forsake us...even until the end. I pray that one day he will love on me like chicken & dumplings~

This week bitter/sweet...but oh the sweet~

I have set back this week almost as if I have been observing life from the sidelines. Not in a bad way, in a good way. Sometimes, that is the only way to see an honest perspective on things. Well, we all have struggles...We like to think ours are more than anyone else understands but truth is we all have things that cause us stress and we can't say one of us hurts more or less than any other~ We really don't know each others reality. I can through God's help look and see that my stresses are still evidence of a life blessed by God. For better or worse ya know? Well, this week being challenging as it was, God used it to teach me a concept that I am so excited about. God gave me the opportunity this week to practice going beyond what I "feel" and seeking his heart. Our feelings can rob us of so many of God's blessings. Just because you might be justified in feeling one way doesn't mean that God has given you permission to act on it! I teach my kids, just because you feel mad at each other, that doesn't mean you should be able to go hit that person. I teach them to deny that feeling because if they indulge that behavior, their "feeling" just got them into a whole mess of trouble. Right? God wants us to understand the same concept spiritually. I had to do some praying, and choose behavior that was opposite of how I felt. It wasn't easy. I just kept praying, " Ok, God, anytime you are ready exchange my heart for yours because my heart kinda stinks." Well, God waited to do that until after I obeyed his word. Once I obeyed his word, he filled me with an out of body peace. All the worry and fretting, hurting, and frustration belonged to him. I realized God wants us to deny our feelings and obey him for the benefit of our heart. It didn't have anything to do with anyone else, it was a work God did in me. The blessing from doing that is in the midst of a storm, I can sleep in the bottom of the boat. After being obedient God has blessed my family this week. Money was tight and I wasn't sure what this week was gonna hold. The next morning after obeying God, someone offered to fill up my gas tank in my van, then my dad called with a late birthday present of $100. I just sat back and marveled at God all week. It brings me to tears to know of his great love. I am so thankful to God for this lesson. The trials are still there, but I couldn't be more happy. I know that God will always be there and I trust him with my heart more than I trust my feelings with it.

There is nothing else~ really...

    I recently read a post saying " I have a friend who has continually been dealt string after string of bad luck. What encouragement can I give when scriptures don't help." I have been going over and over this in my mind for a few days now. This isn't the 1st time I have heard this question, but each time I hear it I actually try really hard to think about what hope we have outside of Jesus? I try to think of a world where Jesus doesn't exist and the promises of God are nothing more than words on paper. Where can you draw strength? People fail. A hug feels good for a moment then fades. All the money in the world can't heal a terminal disease or bring back a loved one who has passed. What can this world offer in our time of need? When I look at that, my heart breaks.So many search for hope and end up on paths of destruction. People look to find hope in drugs, alcohol, even food,obesity being at an all time high. A world without Jesus is hopeless. John 14 Jesus said, " I am the way, the truth, and the light." What if the was no way? no truth? no light? I believe my answer to this post would have to be~ There is no other way...really. If the only hope there is, is Jesus, you must share him and pray God give them ears to hear. If we don't have Jesus, we don't have anything. There is an old song that comes to mind it was written by Bill Gather titled "Because He Lives". The chorus says this~ Because He lives I can face tomorrow, Because He lives all fear is gone; Because I know He holds the future, And life is worth the living just because He lives.  That chorus rings so true. What we are to do,when scripture is nothing more than words on paper to someone is we are to become scripture. We are to live a life that gives Jesus, that brings hope.It's time to be salt and light! We are to live a life that is undeniably stamped by the mark of God. When scripture is not enough, Jesus is, because he knows no bounds. If he is living inside of us and he is truth and light you can not hide light and give false hope. God is love~ we are to give love. God is the alpha and omega, he is where our race begins and he is where it ends.We as believers HAVE to acknowledge there is NO OTHER WAY and quit asking this question. There is nothing else~ really.

Think about such things~

   Yesterday, in children's church, Philippians 4:8 was our topic verse. "8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." At first I remember looking at the curriculum and saying, "Oh come on! Just give me a bible story to teach! Simply teaching this verse to kids is going to be so difficult!"  I even at one point had decided to say forget it and go with my own plan, however in the end I decided to give it a try. So~ I then had to look at this verse and ask, ok, what does this really mean? So many times, we read things in the bible and we just keep reading for the sake of reading but never really stop and think about what is really being said. At least I do anyway....I might have issues with being an active reader/listener, actually now I think about it...( save that topic for another blog! lol ) Moving on~ I decided to dig a little deeper. Well, you have to start by looking at the adjectives and nouns; True, Noble, Right, Pure, Lovely, Admirable, Excellent, and Praiseworthy. In this passage Paul writes that we are to "think" about these things. In thinking about them, we have to decide what they are. So~ in children's church we did a whole lot of brainstorming to decide, what is truth? We continued this process with all of these words. I was really quite amazed at the insightful answers that they came up with. We discovered that God's word is true. Jesus, is true. God's love is true. The word noble, we decided meant just and worth fighting for. I asked the kids what is noble and worth fighting for? Freedom, love, God, salvation,God's word, and family was the response. We continued on through, deciding our hearts should be pure and our minds. That God's creation is lovely and deserves our thought, and that God is excellent and praiseworthy. There was so much to the conversation I can't recall every piece but you get the idea. The next part to finding out what this verse is telling us after we ask what? is to ask why? Why should we think about these things? I believe the answer to that is if we focus or "think' about what is true, right, pure, ....ect. We are more able to "think" like Jesus. If we keep that daily focus and shield our minds from those thoughts that keep our vision clouded, when a situation arises we have the ability to bring God glory. We are more in control to make that choice.  When our minds our clouded, however, we might as well be walking around wearing "beer goggles" (excuse the terminology) and in a form of intoxication. Issues from our past, insecurities, and ego will be guiding our actions. In turn those thing become what is glorified in our lives. It is daily when we make that choice to "think" that true change and a growing of the heart of Jesus can be cultivated. I "think" Paul was really on to something here, something big, and life changing. I am going to pray that God cultivate that in me, and that I might truly understand the affects from losing focus in day to day life. Good Ol' Paul, such a smart guy! lol

Did I pray for patience???

    I think I must have in a rush today prayed for God to give me patience. Why would anyone in her right mind do that?! My only answer is that I must have done it subconsciously. This is my 1st blog here on blogger. Yay me! I'm a newbie :) However, there is so much to learn and I have already made a billion mistakes that I needed to go back and change, tweak, or delete. I believe my eyes may permanently bulge from my head! All that being said, God seems to have given me the opportunity to be patient and if I were going to give myself a grade it might be a D+. That's still passing right?! I would hope that God works on a learning curve and that might bring me up to a solid C. I mean, no small children or fuzzy animals were harmed in the creation of this page. That must count for something, right? 
   Well, in the upcoming blogs I hope to share my adventures in learning, learning about God and his love, growing in the path he has for me, and then passing along whatever wisdom I can gain. I hope you enjoy reading, and I pray you find encouragement on your journey.